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11 Things You Need to STOP Doing to Win With Money

One thing I know for sure is that learning about money can be overwhelming. Most of us weren’t taught about money by our parents or the school system (But I do know how to play Hot Cross Buns on the recorder!). And there’s a massive amount of information on the internet, much of which is conflicting or uses lingo that the average person doesn’t understand.

I’ve been where you are: 

  • Wanting to master money but overwhelmed by all of the information you’ve collected. 

  • Motivated to improve your money situation but not knowing where to begin, who to count on, or what to prioritize on the road to wealth. 

You want a clear path to wealth, while living a lifestyle that brings you joy & doesn’t leave you experiencing serious FOMO.

If you truly want to win with money, one of the first things you need to know is what to STOP doing. So I’ve created a list of 11 (my favorite number) things to avoid in order to experience success on your path to becoming a BBB (badass boss bitch)!

#1 Avoiding all talk of money

Money is taboo for so many of us, and avoiding talking about it can lead to self-sabotage at worst and poor management of it at best. But the more we talk about it, the more normalized it can be. The more commonly we discuss money, the easier it is to get help & advice. Men openly talk about money with their peers & elders, but women have traditionally been told this is not ladylike, and the shame women feel around money can make it more difficult for us to excel financially. Normalizing talking about money de-stigmatizes the topic and can only benefit us as women!

#2 Taking advice from broke people

The broke people that we all know are this way for a reason. The advice that these individuals provide (solicited or not) will likely not help you in the long run. If you’re needing advice, turn to a trusted friend, colleague, or coach (did I mention this is exactly what I do for women??), or feel free to post your questions in my free Facebook group Bee Rich Society

#3 Believing the lies you tell yourself

Most women come to me when they start thinking “I’m tired of my own bullshit.” “I’m tired of making excuses for my spending & not getting anywhere.” The minute you create awareness about the mistakes you’re making, you can start addressing them one by one. But be gentle with yourself. Many of my clients get frustrated with themselves when they have realizations about the cause of their money issues, but if you’ve been living a certain way for many years, you won’t change immediately- even if you have all the information. One helpful money affirmation that I recommend writing down for this situation is: “You don’t plant a seed & harvest the same day.”

#4 Not having a plan for your money

Know what your goals are, have a plan for where your money needs to go, and stick to it. You may be able to earn a lot of money, but having a plan is the only way to truly ensure that you keep it.

#5 Saying ‘yes’ to everything

Part of a wealthy mindset is learning to say no when it isn’t in alignment with your personal and financial goals. Only saying ‘yes’ to things that excite you is a perfect healthy way to live your life, and saying ‘no’ to the things that drain your time, energy, and money is a great way to protect your sanity & your wallet!

#6 Putting yourself in tempting situations

If you know that you charge $150 to your credit card every time you go into Marshall’s, avoid that store like the plague (unless you actually need something)! Tempting situations are different for everyone, but being aware of what they are can be key to avoiding overspending. 

#7 Using your credit card as a crutch

If you’re going through your debt-free journey, you’ll want to halt all credit card use for now. Credit cards are best used for emergencies or for getting rewards, but that’s only when you have the money to pay off the full amount before you charge it. If you don’t have the money and it’s not a true emergency, avoid pulling out your card and thank me later. One simple hack that I like is putting a piece of tape over your credit card with a short phrase to remind you not to use it. “Not today demons!” is one of my favorites :) 

#8 Paying off debt without emergency savings

Before paying off debt, get at least $1k saved up for emergencies. If this step is skipped, it’s common that an emergency will arise that will cause you to charge your credit card, leaving you in the same place you started. Starting is often harder than continuing, and re-starting can be even harder. Having an emergency fund can help you to stay on track and avoid starting over. 

#9 Focusing on too many goals at once

In order to make the most of your money, you’ll need to get hyper-focused on one area at a time. That means if you are trying to save up for a car, focus all your extra money toward the car until you’ve reached your goal. This, as well as other short term goals, can fit into a long term goal of ‘being financially independent’, but trying to accomplish multiple short term goals at once can be overwhelming.

#10 Waiting to invest

Because of inflation, keeping your life savings in a bank account will actually cause you to lose money over time! However, the earlier you start investing, the better off you’ll be. This is because of our friend: compound interest. Compound interest is basically interest growing on top of interest earned, plus what you originally invested. This means that the more your money grows, the faster it multiplies; and the faster it multiplies, the more momentum it gains. 

#11 Not prioritizing self-care

When I catch myself being tempted to overspend, it’s usually because I am trying to cover up a feeling. Am I lonely? Sad? Pissed about my adult acne? Annoyed that I’m throwing all my money into renovating a house I’m not going to be living in next year? 

When I have these thoughts, I’m tempted to do a bit of retail therapy, and that’s when I know I need to refill my cup. Self-care looks different for everyone. For me, it’s doing a hair mask, binging a TV series, coloring, snuggling my dog, or spending time outside. For you, it might look a bit different. Ask yourself what makes you feel recharged, write a list of low-cost activities, and pick an item from the list the next time you feel tempted to overspend.

Save this article for the next time you need a reminder of what NOT to do on your journey to financial success. And for step-by-step guidance on getting out of debt, reducing your spending, increasing your income, and improving your money mindset, check out my brand-new course Grown-Up’s Guide to Money: The Shit You Wish You Learned in School. Click here for more information. See you there!

A First-Timer's Recap of Sensory Deprivation Tanks

I recently tried floating in a sensory deprivation tank. It was magical. And healing. And hilarious.

Let’s start here:

  • What is sensory deprivation?: I’m not a dictionary, but basically its floating in water that has a boatload of salt in it -more than the Dead Sea- and you are left alone with your thoughts in complete darkness.

  • Why I did it: I had an awful dream that triggered a lot of traumatic memories from my childhood. I intuitively knew that floating was the right answer (after journaling about the memories & talking to a friend). I needed a safe space to be alone with myself & reorganize my thoughts

Now, here’s what you can expect based on my experience. A recap of what went on in my mind:

  1. Ok, this just looks like a shallow pool. Nothing too weird

  2. Wonders how its possible that there are 1,100 pounds of salt in 10 inches of water & its still clear. I. DON’T. UNDERSTAND. SCIENCE.

  3. Lays back, floats effortlessly on top of the water *tries to go underwater to see if its possible* (it’s not)

  4. Got the double-wide tank, start spinning in circles

  5. Lays on stomach, pretends to fly

  6. Itches face, leading to water in eyes. Reminds self to NEVER get salt water in eyes again

  7. Thankful to have purchased the 90 minute float session because I definitely spent 30 minutes f*cking around

  8. Twitches and realized I fell asleep, readjusts body

  9. Twitches and realized I fell asleep again *repeats 6 times*

  10. Stoked that I dozed off and didn’t drown

  11. Repeated to myself “I am safe” about 100 times until I believed it

  12. Understood why other people like floating. It’s like being in the womb again

Overall, floating was a great experience. I felt cleansed of my negative obsessive thought patterns and was given a safe space to re-establish who I am and what I believe. Most importantly, I had uninterrupted time to sit with my thoughts, and remind myself that who I was is NOT who I am or who I have to continue to be. If you have trauma (which we all do), I would recommend doing some journaling, then meditating, call a loved one to sort out your thoughts, and then once you know what your goal is for the float session, set an intention

Tips for your first time:

  • Get naked. Most people do it this way because clothes weigh you down

  • Don’t set any expectations. Just go in with your intention and try to use your first time to enjoy the experience. They only way to guarantee a shitty experience is to tell yourself it HAS to be one way or another

  • Don’t expect results the minute you step out of the float. As with any transformation (this is common with life coaching too), you will see the most changes over the next few days when you notice that you have a less negative reaction to something than is typical

  • Don’t get water in your eyes. Just trust me

  • If you’re claustrophobic: same here, girl. Leave the lights on for a few minutes and turn them off once you’re ready. Many people say floating feels more like being in outer space than being stuck in a small area

  • Put your earplugs in before you shower! You will be asked to shower before getting in the tank, and It’s easier to create a seal when your ears are dry. You definitely want to wear ear plugs because all the salt can crystallize in your ear and cause an ear ache

  • Don’t worry about the water being clean. This isn’t your typical public pool, which is basically swimming in urine and bandaids. It’s more salty than the Dead Sea, which gets its name because virtually nothing can survive in that level of salinity.

  • Don’t float if you have: open wounds, keratin treatments, spray tan, recent hair coloring, hair extensions, or a tattoo within 30 days

  • The day of: don’t wax or shave, no caffeine, eat a small meal at least 90 min before coming in, and you will shower there so you don’t need to prep ahead of time

Did you like this article? There’s a whole lot more fun over on my instagram @mylifecoachalyssa. Hope to see you there!

5 Ways to Get Over Your Ex Without Spending A Dime

Many women struggle with getting over their ex. This person went from someone who was a major part of your life, to someone who has little-to-no involvement in it. Part of my job as a life and money coach is to give people information on living a genuine, balanced life- which is damn near impossible to do if you can’t stop checking your ex’s instagram every hour. Here are 5 of the best tips for getting over him, without blowing through your bank account with shopping sprees and new hairstyles.

  1. Write a Pro’s and Con’s list- It's important to acknowledge the pro’s because there was a reason you were together, and it's perfectly healthy to acknowledge that there were good aspects in your relationship. The con’s list needs to be exhaustive, list every single thing you dislike about him. His lack of ambition, friends, taste in music, even his eye color is fair game. Whenever you have a moment of weakness and are considering contacting him, refer back to the list, and if every con on that list hasn’t been remediated, remind yourself that those issues are always going to be a problem for you. This tip is really easy to implement, and putting it down on paper will make you stronger.

  2. Dump the music you listened to together- Pick a band that you won’t listen to anymore. Did you and your ex share a special moment at a concert? Did you have a song you loved to listen to in the car? We all have songs that come on the radio and instantly reminds us of our ex. My solution? I rush to change the song as if my life depended on it. I delete the band from my playlists, and move on.

  3. Unfollow them on social media- It’s impossible to moving on if you’re constantly seeing everything he’s been up to, especially if he starts dating someone new and is posting about it. Go through all your social media platforms, delete every picture you have together, and untag yourself in everything they tagged you in. And then don’t check their profile. I mean it!

  4. Feel your feelings- Let it all out. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, for as long as you need to feel it. If you need to cry for a week straight, and eat a gallon of ice cream, do it. There is no shame in being upset that your relationship has ended. It’s better to let it out now than to have an emotional breakdown 3 years from now because you never processed your feelings. Get it out of your system. I’m all in favor of keeping yourself busy post-breakup, and making plans with your friends, but eventually you’ll need to process emotions, and it needs to be sooner rather than later.

  5. Find a successful couple you’d like to emulate- Find a couple you’d like to be like, and ask yourself what your last relationship was lacking. Maybe this other couple has the same taste in netflix, maybe they both like dogs when you and your ex has different feelings about pets. Those pieces that your relationship was lacking, those can be the pieces that you look forward to in your new relationship. These aspects are very important, and instead of being jealous of those other happy couples, you can look forward to those things in your next relationship.

Pick any one of them, and get started. Stay strong!

And if you feel like you need someone to talk to, relationships are my specialty! Let’s connect to book your free 30-minute consultation to see if life coaching is right for you

5 Steps to A Happier Life

Ladies, I’ve been there. I know how hard it can be so critical with yourself that you can barely look in the mirror. The reality is that a lot of our troubles stem from comparison causing us to feel like our life is incomplete - so here are a few of my favorite tips to get you out of your mind and into a happier life.

  1. Unfollow anyone famous for having “the perfect body”- For me, looking at women with flawless bodies only made me feel shitty about myself. Who wants to have the thought “ugh I could never look like that” 10x a day? So I unfollowed every. single. person who has an account purely to show off their bodies. I now try to focus my time on people who have more to give to the world than booty pics.

  2. Spend less (or no) time with any person that doesn’t bring you joy- For some reason, we all do this. We follow people on social media that make us cringe, or we hang out with people we don’t really like being around because it's the polite thing to do. The truth is that you don’t have to do anything you want, and that means that you don’t have to follow someone on instagram just because they follow you, or because you’ve known them forever. Give yourself permission to let go

  3. Stop listening to sad songs- This one is pretty self-explanatory. Most sad songs were written during a dark time in the singer’s life. Naturally, hearing the song will bring you back to a sad time in your life. There are of course times where you’ll want to listen to sad songs, but I try to never have them on my playlists.

  4. Ditch your dark shows- OK, this is easier said than done. This is coming from someone who loves dark shows like Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Nip/Tuck, Orange is the New Black, Harlots, and The Handmaid’s Tale. I’m also someone who has a lot of nightmares, which I noticed an increase in frequency after watching these shows, and my husband said “what do these shows bring to our life?” After thinking that through, he was right. I still watch GoT and a few others, but I try to not have more than one depressing show at a time. I’ve taken a strong liking to lighthearted rom-coms and The Bachelor.

  5. Go outside- There’s a thing called “forest bathing” where you take leisurely walks through the forest and there are all sorts of health benefits- check it out. It’s pretty cool.

7 Ways to Immediately Improve Your Mindset

From time to time, we all get sucked into believing that we have been dealt an especially difficult hand of cards. When struggling to get in touch with appreciation and gratitude for the life we’ve been given.

  1. Write 1 happy thing each day- Start a daily journal and write down one thing that brought you joy.  For each day of the year, mark at the top of the page the day and the month, and as your first entry, write the year and what brought you joy. For example, mark the top of the page with “January 1,” and as your first entry, write “2019- Boss gave me a shoutout during our company meeting.” Some days will be rough and you will feel like there isn’t anything good to reflect on, but focus on the good pieces from the day, even if it's that you got a compliment on your outfit, or you started binge watching a new series on Netflix. Then, in future years on that day, you can reflect back on what happened that day in previous years. It’s an instant pick-me-up.

  2. Announce your love of the little things- Science shows that saying things aloud stimulates the part of our brain that makes us believe something. Saying something aloud not only puts us in a good mood and makes us happier, but it also makes the people around us happy, which in turn makes them want to be around us more. For 1 week, try announcing when you see or experience something you like, like walking outside and exclaiming “what a gorgeous day!” or telling a friend “I’m so glad we got together, I’ve missed you!” and notice how others will naturally flock to you. People like to be around positive people.

  3. Take mental photographs- Living in such a digital age, where everyone is attached to their phones, it can be hard to ‘unplug’ and fully immerse yourself in what’s going on. So, if you’re with a group of friends you haven’t seen in awhile, take a group picture when you first get together, and then ask everyone to put their phones away so you can truly catch up. After those initial pics, take mental photographs so that you can reflect on these happy memories from “the good ol’ days.” Promise me you won’t be that group of girls at the bar where every. single. person. is buried in their phone, k?

  4. Give compliments- When you give a compliment, you'll be surprised how many you receive. Compliments don’t just have to be about superficial things like hair or clothes, in fact, I would urge you to focus on compliments stemming from deeper aspects. “I love those shoes!” may make someone’s morning, but hearing “You always know what to say to make me feel better” will make someone’s week.

  5. Spread love- The answer is always love. Want more friends? Focus all your energy on being a source of non-judgmental love, and you will attract all sorts of people. The energy you put out into the world will come back to you tenfold, and no one ever looked back on their life and said “I wish I let more people knew how much I disliked them.”

  6. Acknowledge your feelings and let them drift away- We are entitled to have any & all emotions without guilt. Thoughts and feelings are not the issue, acting on those thoughts and feelings is what causes turmoil. So instead of running from the things that plague us, feel them, acknowledge them, allow yourself to explore why you’re feeling this way, and then let it drift away. Alternatively, you can get in the shower and imagine your negative thoughts, attitudes, and emotions are rinsing down the drain.

  7. Keep things in perspective- This is probably the most important concept on this list. It’s incredibly easy to get lost in our own self pity, especially in an age where the majority of the people we follow on social media are giving off the perception that they live the “dream life.”